What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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