no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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