You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
