I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
