I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
