Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This house was built for laser tag.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running