just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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