its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.