My friends, they love my intelligence
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...