If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...