Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I cut my penus on the lid.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap