I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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