do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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