he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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