We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
