A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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