she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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