before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
