Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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