i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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