No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
