If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I looked at my own cervix.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
where are you?
Hypothermia
That accounts for only three of the penises
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
