I accidentally had phone sex last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
