So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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