Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
