She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
