how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
