i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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