I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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