Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
