I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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