You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
