Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
