WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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