If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
