Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
