We're facebook friends in real life
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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