I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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