Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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