the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
