3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
