Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
