I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
