YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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