Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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