so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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