it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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