3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
