We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
