i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
