I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
