So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
