"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
