I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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