he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
