Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
