i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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