Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
