If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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