Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
