oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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