this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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