just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
