if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
