Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
