I love black thongs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's great music for shaving your balls
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
