Im at strip club and am horny
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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