yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
