I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
