my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize