just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
