He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
