What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No subtext here. People are naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
